I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I AM VODKA MAN
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
