The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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