If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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