my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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