Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
