Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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