My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
