Can i not drive my cunt home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
