Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I booty called her while she was in labor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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