It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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