i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
