I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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