dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
