when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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