I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
