This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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