Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
