this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
