Will you blow on my dice?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
