I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize