I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
