i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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