i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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