C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize