You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
