saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
