Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
