life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
