i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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