think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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