I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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