Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
