tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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