a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
