Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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