The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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