Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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