I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
