i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize