I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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