We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
