I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
