I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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