im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
