i would punch a child for taco bell
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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