You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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