I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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