My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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