First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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