When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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