so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My feet surprised me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
