that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
