He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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