The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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