This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
