At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
