I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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