ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
