i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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