i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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