no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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