Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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