i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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