just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
