I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is wine microwaveable?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
