I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize