i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
