they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
