In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
