Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The Olympian is in my bed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize