Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
