Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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