I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I deserve to be covered in dicks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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