I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
