marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
