Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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