i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
