She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
