Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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