I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
