I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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