this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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