Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize