got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
