We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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